MORE GENERAL
21st Century

You know you are living in the 21st Century when:

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to send this message.

13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

14. You actually looked back to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

WHY IS IT THAT

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

1) The woman buys the food.

2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray, along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More Routine...

5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More Routine...

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, and sauces, and brings them all to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."

AND...

12) Upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

LANGUAGE

Dictionary for Women's Personal Ads:

40-ish..............................................49

Adventurous........... Slept with everyone

Athletic...................................... No Breasts

Average looking.......................... Ugly

Beautiful..................... Pathological liar

Contagious Smile.................. Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure...................... On medication

Feminist.......................................... Fat

Free spirit.................................... Junkie

Fun.......................................... Annoying

New-Age.................. Body hair in the wrong                                    places

Open-minded................................. Desperate

Outgoing........ Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate............................... Sloppy drunk

Voluptuous................................... Very Fat

Large frame................................. Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate................................ Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay